I am back to being strong

Sorry about the other day.  I was tired.
I am back and praying hard this weekend!  Pat now has to man up and go into treatment.  I am back to being a strong mother that will not enable but that will pray for my son.
The next 3 days, I will pray that The Lord will lead him to treatment, that he will prepare HIS WAY in Pats mind, body and most deeply into his soul.

I will ask you to pray this weekend for the same things.
Thank you

Wed March 16

Tomorrow is Pats birthday.  I think of the little boy that I loved.  I still love him so much but I can't stand to be near him now.  I want my boy back!!

Today, we need to focus on him making good choices for the next 72 hours.  Not to do drugs or drink.  Not to think that just because he is 21 tomorrow he needs to go to bars and get in trouble.

Good choices.

Father, Lord, Our great comfortor, Please Lord, stay with Pat. Hold him close to you and do not let him come near temptations that will destroy him.  Help him to understand that he needs help. 
Help his dad and I to stay strong when all we want is to hold him and have him know that we love him.
I pray this in the name of Your Son, who you had to send into danger, knowing he would be hurt and killed, knowing that the temptations were here that could destroy him.  I pray in the name of Christ, Amen

Word For You Today -- Online Devotionals: Elijah (1)

Word For You Today -- Online Devotionals: Elijah (1): "“There is the sound…of rain.” 1Ki 18:41 NKJV Are you going through a spiritual dry spell? Are you busy encouraging others while your own ..."

Its Friday

Pat is staying away.  I am just as happy with that.  I am learning to stop Enabling.  Sometimes called a cold-hearted suchandsuch.
Pats Dad thinks I should call him and make him come over to take care of his animals.  I say why?
I deserve more then to fight all the time.
I deserve more then to have my heart wrenched out each and every day just to be disappointed in the end.

So, bunnies are going to a new home this weekend.  The rodents in the cages hopefully can just stay where they are at.  I can feed them and water them.

I am even planning to leave work an hour early.  Pats Dad is going to bring the dogs here to work and we can run them out here for 20 minutes and we all have fun and get some exercise.
Then we are going to go home and make homemade pizza and have a lovely evening!  I couldn't do that if Pat was there or I had to worry about getting him there to care for the rabbits or rodents!
My online support group calls it all "Drug Drama"  What a fitting description!  Its like watching a TV show that is so bad you do nothing but make snide remarks about it.  But you watch the stupid thing! (CSI Miami is an example)  So, drug drama is off my list for the weekend as well as CSI Miami!

My weekend will be sleeping in, coffee in bed, crafting and enjoying life! 

Why is all this important?  I have stopped enabling!  That means Pat should be hitting up against it soon.  He should be having a really rough time of it.  I am praying for that!  I am praying that he comes to a point that he has to make a decision!  I pray that he makes good decisions. 

A bit different talk then a month ago from me.  I love this blog!  It forces me to see what yesterday was!  And i can make a difference!  "Our future is made out of our present."  So, my present is going to be non enabling!  My present is also going to be more faithful.  More faithful to God, spending time with him.  More faithful to my duties as a daughter and sister.  And more faithful to myself.  Doing more to care for myself. 

Wed afternoon

Nothing to report.  Pat has to make his own arrangements for Rehab.  He hasn't done anything.
He sold his truck yesterday. He was supposed to pay a girlfriend back some of that. Doubt that he has.

I am not going to think or worry about it today.  I plan on a nice evening tonight.  Sit on my tush and read a book, or something equally mindless. 

Monday, Feb 28

Well, its the end of Feb.
Pat had to have a TB test to get into a rehab in Washington. 
He went to the Doctor, got that done, had it read on Thursday and that is the last he did for himself. 

Wed morning Feb 23

I so want calm.
Pat is not calm.  He does not create calm.  He is exhausting.  Everytime I think it will be ok, its not.

I believe he is using again.  He is stealing again.  I just want my little boy back!  I failed him and his brother.  The Lord has not failed.  I failed, I was given one task by him.  "Raise your children in the way they should go.."  I didn't.
I am here alone.  Nobody else remebers like I do what my boy was.  That child is gone.  I don't think I can live without him  I am mourning today. 

Good choices Pat, make good choices.  Please Lord!  Hold onto him!  Bring my child back to grow into a nice young man!  He is as good as dead.  I am being told that so many times!  Oh Lord.  My heart is broken.  Please please please Lord!  Hold onto him now. 

Wed nite Feb 16

hello all,
not much to report.  Pat is out on the streets.  I let him take a shower here tonight.  Told him that he couldn't be here after 6 and that he had to be nice to me.  He was very nice.

Monday Feb 14th

Pat got kicked out of Detox last night.  For having pot in his room.

Wed nite

I have my computer back.  Yeah, I have missed it.

I have been reading a lot about enabling behavior.  I have enabled Pat. 
Of course, I am disgusted, mad, pissed off.
But not just at Pat and not just at the actions that have I have performed to allow Pat to get to this point.

Tuesday

Hello, I am sorry, I was tired and cranky and just down yesterday.
But, today is a new day!
And its Son2 Birthday.  He came over last night, late of course, and I was the first one to wish him Happy Birthday!  Isn't amazing how just that little gift was what has cheered me all day today!

I am trying to decide if we should do an intervention for Pat next week.  Thought maybe we could get his Brothers and Sister, maybe girlfriend to all sit with him and tell him to go to a facitlity for the next 2 or 3 months. 

I am going to my mothers for 3 or 4 days.  I will be off line most of that time.
But, I have today and tomorrow to ask for prayers about this. 
So
Exact Prayer Request:
1. Thank you Lord for the days I don't have problems!  They are a gift from you.
2. Prepare us to talk with Pat about going on for more treatment.
3. Prepare Pat to hear what we say and to listen with an open heart.
4. I Thank him for you, those praying with me to save my son!  Knowing you are here helps me go on even with the fear that I sometimes have. 

Friday 10 am

Good morning friend,
Nothing happening on my end.  Pat is smack in the middle of his first 2 weeks.  The counselor will be working with him to accept the fact that he needs to go on to a residential facility for more treatment.
So
Exact prayer request:
1. That the Lord will continue to work in Pat to get the best treatment possible.
2. Praise of Thanks for you kind reader.

See you next week.

Thursday morning

Is it Friday yet?
Why should that make a difference?  It won't except, well,  I want something more fun to do.
Friday, I will get out of work, play with the dogs and maybe have a big huge drink! of something really strong!!

3:30 Wed

He needs prayer today.
He is feeling lied to.
He feels he should be trusted and allowed to make up his own mind.
Exact Prayer Requests again
1. That Our Father will hold him tight and lead him to where He wants him to be.

thats it today.

See you all tomorrow

I don't have myself together yet but...

Ok,
Now I will just go on. 
Exact prayer requests.
1. Pat will be coming to his 10 days off now.  It will be a very hard time.  It is expected this is the time that he will begin to get angry (wow, this is scary to me) or angrier, he will begin to understand what has happened to him, he will either walk or stay.  He really needs prayer right now that God will hold him tight.
I will request that we pray exactly "Father, Hold Patrick with all your might, not allowing him to make any decision that will be harmful to himself.  Hold him tight and direct his body and mind to heal as only You can  do."

We are directed to pray with direction and repeatedly.  I will find the story and update here.  I think we, I think I need it now.
2. I believe that in all things we are directed to give Thanks.  I am having a bit of trouble today with this so maybe you have thoughts.  Right now, I give Thanks that last night, I went to Zumba and worked hard at it so last night I could not sit around the house and worry.

3pm Monday

Mike has been there with Pat for the last 90 minutes.  He said he will be late picking me up as he wants to stick around for a while.
Pat talked to me for a few minutes.  He had not been feeling well since Saturday.  He said his blood pressure dropped to 79/64 and his pulse was 135.  That doesn't sound right but I will get more info later.

Pat also told me "I don't want older brother to tell everyone about this.  Its embarrassing that I have been on drugs and it's embarrassing that I have to get treatment"
I of course was kind of astonished and didn't have anything smart ass to say in reply!  You know me and my mouth. 
But, I am trying to take this as a good thing for him to say if a bit unusual.  He did tell me I could tell Oldest Brother and Only Daughter.  So, I think for now, I will not tell him about this blog.  :)

And until I have a chance to talk with a drug dependencies professional, I will only ask you that you to write him encouraging notes reminding him that you are praying for him. Maybe not mention the blog at the moment....

We are thinking he will be fine.  I will not be able to update until tomorrow.  But Our Father knows whats going on so you can feel free to pray how He leads you.

Thank you for the help dear friends....

12:30 Monday afternoon

Pat has had a seizure and is on his way to the hospital from Detox. 
When I received the call I asked what that meant.  Was told that it may be that his blood pressure (which has been high) has just dropped suddenly. 
I don't know any more then that.
Mike is on his way there to find out how bad it is.  Right at the moment, I can't go out of fear.
He will call me when he knows more. And if I have time, I will update you.


Exact Prayer:
1. Lord to be with Pat
2. Lord to be with Doctors and nurses

Update: 1:05.  The counselor just told me that this is common when coming off the drugs.  His blood pressure had been high and it propably just dropped suddenly.  He said that Pat had been weak then his eyes just rolled back in his head and he dropped.  He said it was more of a blood pressure thing then a seizure.  (Wish he had told me that at first but..)
So, thank you friends and only sister that helped me be calm for the past 40 minutes or so.
Pat may go back to Detox tonight maybe in the morning. 
Mike will be getting to the hospital any minute now to check on things.  I will update again when I hear anything. 
My hands are not shaking as bad and I am calmer.

Monday Morning

Oh Pat, the poor poor boy!
Good news is that he went back to Detox Friday after trying to go out and visit friends after Doctors appointment.

He still thinks life should not have to change for him.  He believes he should get what he wants when he wants.  And I should stop what ever I am doing to take care of him..
 Pat wanted us to bring him things. He wanted toiletries and a towel and a picture of girlfriend and a cup and this and that and a list of things that I would have to go here and there to collect.  I just said I would bring what I could as soon as I could.
Mike and I cleaned house on Saturday and by Sunday morning I had a collection of some of his things to take to him.  By 9am Sunday, he was texting me, "are you coming?  did you get this? why not?"

He has no idea that other people are important and may have a life that goes on when he is not in the room.

I just got a call from his counselor and he believes it is to soon for us to come in for anything.  Pat is still going through detox and his body is addressing some issues.  So, that was very interesting to me.  Pat has been telling me that his heart rate is high and blood pressure is high.  The Counselor says that is normal during this time.

Anyway, I know this does not make a lot of sense. 
Points I guess I want you to know, We exercised and cleaned this weekend.  We took some stuff to Pat.  He is lonely and his body is adjusting to life without drugs.  He will be there for at least 10 more days.(we all hope for more) then on to another facility.

If you would like to write to him you can mail it to the house and I will take it down to him.  Be sure and put your name and address on the outside of the envelope.  Otherwise, it would be opened.  If you wish him to write back, through a self addressed stamped envelope in your letter.  I have to get some stamps to him but it will be a few days before I can do that.
Things you might tell him are:
 you are praying for him,
or a memory of him,
or just tell him about your day. 
I write a note every day or so.  I just tell him about each of the animals and that his dad and I love him.  We don't address any issues or anything right now.

Exact prayer requests:
again,
1. Pat needs to learn good choices, he actually needs to learn to here his conscience again.  That part of his brain that knows the difference between right and wrong has been turned off.
2. The people working with him will be led by God to help him.
3.  Prayers of Thanks that Mike and I actually had made the decision to change our life and get healthier 3 full weeks before this all hit!  What a blessing that we were enough into making changes that we did not just give it up and decide there was to much going on to get healthier.  We are exercising and encouraging each other.  We have cut salt down and working on cutting sugar.  (We will deal with the fat thing another time!)
4. Prayers of Thanks for you that are reading this.  You have all been praying and we feel your prayers. We also feel so encouraged when we go out  and have an awesome evening with friends and can come away feeling that we had a great evening!  What an awesome feeling when so much is going on that we can laugh and enjoy life still!  Me, the worrier!  The one that obsesses about problems!  WOW!!  You are great friends.  We give our prayers of thanks for you so often. 

THANK YOU

ps, I think the news may not change so much during the day.  Maybe we are at a place that everyday will be the same.  Wouldn't that be awesome.....

2:30 Friday

He is still making really bad choices.
He had a drs appointment today.
Was supposed to call detox and get a ride back
Instead Darling Girlfriend got a taxi to pick him up so she could see him.

I don't even know what to say.  

He could get kicked out of this program.  
Pray where your heart leads you. 

Will not be online until Monday unless I find a computer to use somewhere

3pm Thursday

Pat is still in Detox.  I got a call from him today saying that they wanted him to see a doctor, approve his health and to prescrip a mild tranquilizer for him.  I had to make an appointment.  Did that, he told me that I would need to take him and I said ok, I made arrangements and then...