At odds with

I am at odds with the world today
Or maybe myself.
I just think I had better go to bed.  Its not going to get any better.  Tired and down today.  To much of everything. and not enough of what I need. 
I wish someone would pray for Pat.  I don't know that I can.  To involved with myself today and my own bad choices.
So many and i can't go back in time.  bad choices have me down.  Just erase it all.  i want to go away

This last weekend.

Wow, I am truly blessed!
The final to my great weekend was Sunday.  Pat came over.  He was nice!
That is the end to the weekend, just in case you are the "turn to the back of the book to find out who did it" type of person.

I am back to being strong

Sorry about the other day.  I was tired.
I am back and praying hard this weekend!  Pat now has to man up and go into treatment.  I am back to being a strong mother that will not enable but that will pray for my son.
The next 3 days, I will pray that The Lord will lead him to treatment, that he will prepare HIS WAY in Pats mind, body and most deeply into his soul.

I will ask you to pray this weekend for the same things.
Thank you

March 16th evening

my phone is off.  Everything in Pats life is my fault according to him.

Wed March 16

Tomorrow is Pats birthday.  I think of the little boy that I loved.  I still love him so much but I can't stand to be near him now.  I want my boy back!!

Today, we need to focus on him making good choices for the next 72 hours.  Not to do drugs or drink.  Not to think that just because he is 21 tomorrow he needs to go to bars and get in trouble.

Good choices.

Father, Lord, Our great comfortor, Please Lord, stay with Pat. Hold him close to you and do not let him come near temptations that will destroy him.  Help him to understand that he needs help. 
Help his dad and I to stay strong when all we want is to hold him and have him know that we love him.
I pray this in the name of Your Son, who you had to send into danger, knowing he would be hurt and killed, knowing that the temptations were here that could destroy him.  I pray in the name of Christ, Amen

Word For You Today -- Online Devotionals: Elijah (1)

Word For You Today -- Online Devotionals: Elijah (1): "“There is the sound…of rain.” 1Ki 18:41 NKJV Are you going through a spiritual dry spell? Are you busy encouraging others while your own ..."

Its Friday

Pat is staying away.  I am just as happy with that.  I am learning to stop Enabling.  Sometimes called a cold-hearted suchandsuch.
Pats Dad thinks I should call him and make him come over to take care of his animals.  I say why?
I deserve more then to fight all the time.
I deserve more then to have my heart wrenched out each and every day just to be disappointed in the end.

So, bunnies are going to a new home this weekend.  The rodents in the cages hopefully can just stay where they are at.  I can feed them and water them.

I am even planning to leave work an hour early.  Pats Dad is going to bring the dogs here to work and we can run them out here for 20 minutes and we all have fun and get some exercise.
Then we are going to go home and make homemade pizza and have a lovely evening!  I couldn't do that if Pat was there or I had to worry about getting him there to care for the rabbits or rodents!
My online support group calls it all "Drug Drama"  What a fitting description!  Its like watching a TV show that is so bad you do nothing but make snide remarks about it.  But you watch the stupid thing! (CSI Miami is an example)  So, drug drama is off my list for the weekend as well as CSI Miami!

My weekend will be sleeping in, coffee in bed, crafting and enjoying life! 

Why is all this important?  I have stopped enabling!  That means Pat should be hitting up against it soon.  He should be having a really rough time of it.  I am praying for that!  I am praying that he comes to a point that he has to make a decision!  I pray that he makes good decisions. 

A bit different talk then a month ago from me.  I love this blog!  It forces me to see what yesterday was!  And i can make a difference!  "Our future is made out of our present."  So, my present is going to be non enabling!  My present is also going to be more faithful.  More faithful to God, spending time with him.  More faithful to my duties as a daughter and sister.  And more faithful to myself.  Doing more to care for myself. 

What Pat wants March 9

Yesterday he told me that he wants to stay out of treatment until after his 21st birthday next week. I say Why??

It's time

Ecclesiastes 3:1-10 (English Standard Version)

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

 ¹For everything there is a season, and^(A) a time for every matter under heaven:
 ²a time to be born, and a time to^(B) die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

 ³a time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up;

⁴a time to^(C) weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to^(D) dance;

⁵a time to^(E) cast away stones, and a time to^(F) gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to^(G) refrain from embracing;

⁶a time to seek, and a time to^(H) lose;a time to keep, and a time to^(I) cast away;

 ⁷a time to^(J) tear, and a time to sew;a time to^(K) keep silence, and a time to speak;

⁸a time to love, and a time to^(L) hate;a time for war, and a time for peace.

Wed afternoon

Nothing to report.  Pat has to make his own arrangements for Rehab.  He hasn't done anything.
He sold his truck yesterday. He was supposed to pay a girlfriend back some of that. Doubt that he has.

I am not going to think or worry about it today.  I plan on a nice evening tonight.  Sit on my tush and read a book, or something equally mindless.